Coming Out Day

[queerbychoice]

Today is the one year anniversary of the day my coming out letter to my parents arrived at their house! Yes, the day before National Coming Out Day. Because I'm all nonconformist and ahead of the crowd like that.

And I'm just as sleep-deprived today as I was on this day last year. But much less terrified and distraught.

Last night I picked off the last of the scab on my knee from when I fell face first on the asphalt parking lot a month ago. My knees have skin on htem again.

Last year I spent most of the time period between September 11th and the beginning of January crying all day long, dragging myself to work and sitting at my desk with tears silently streaming down my face, going home and crawling into bed only to curl into a ball loudly shriek-sobbing for hours, answering the phone from an internet acquaintance in NYC who was concerned about me and crying some more.

It wouldn't have lasted that long if it had only been my parents. Last fall, all the closest and longest-lasting relationships in my life just unexpectedly and unconnectedly all shattered at once and left me suddenly with nothing but myself.

I knew that I would recover. I've lost best friends enough before to know that I always put myself back together in time. But I feel, right now, like the first green growth just returning to a vast blackened plain which one year ago was a tall ancient forest burned flat to the ground without a trace.

I would like to announce to the world that I have survived everything that it's thrown at me and I plan to continue to do so.

But also, please don't throw anything like that at me ever again.

Comments

[jodawi.livejournal.com]

[ex-infidel.livejournal.com]

you've only been out to your parents for a year? hm.

*hug hug hug*

[princesswitch.livejournal.com]

Gayle, I know you had an exciting year last year--I read about so much of it. You make me think of the Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times." I'm happy to read this. You deserve all the happiness you can get!

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

Did you? If you haven't checked out my LJ memories section I'm afraid you don't know half the horrors of it.

[princesswitch.livejournal.com]

I haven't read them all, but I've read about half trying to see what was up with certain things you only obliquely alluded to on the QBC list. And, of course, I read the QBC list as well. I do occasionally look up from my own navel, you know. :-)

[heron61.livejournal.com]

I just looked at the letter to your parents that you sent a year ago, and am massively impressed. I greatly admire anyone who can do that, in part because I have not. There are vast areas of my life my parents know nothing about (pagan [Wiccan priest], polyamorous, mildly genderqueer, bi, the fact that my partner and I did a non-legal pagan handfasting 8 years ago...).

In part, I'm fairly cetain they don't want to know, and in part I'm greedy (they are quite rich and I don't want to alienate them). You are very brace, be proud of this fact.

[transliberation.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you are such a survivor, Gayle.

I don't know if you know it, but I'm always telling people about QueerByChoice.com, and, interestingly, I've recently come across a lot of people who honestly tell me that their queerness is in some form a choice. (Usually me saying I'm bi is enough to make *some* gay monosexuals be honest about their feelings, and admit that a straight relationship isn't impossible for them.) I immediately tell them about the website, of course! ;-)

Take care,
*Jason