queerbychoice | My New Favorite Spam Headline

Subject: Re: I'll love you more if you stop going bald...

Er, um.

1. Why on earth whould I want to be loved by a spammer? (Scary thought: Spammers must have actual love lives with somebody or other. Do they admit what their careers are? On the first date? "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a spammer." "Um, I won't be coming back for a second date with you." "Too bad, I shall flood your mailbox and answering machine with ten million messages begging you for a second date every single day for the next 99 years! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!")

2. What kind of crazy definition of "love" is this if it's so dependent on my hairline? ("Hi, I'm madly in love with the fact that your hairline's so, like, not receding!" "Gosh, um, thanks . . . ? Your hairline is quite, um, non-receding too. OH WOW I JUST REALIZED HOW IRRESISTIBLE A NON-RECEDING HAIRLINE IS! HOW SEXY! I MUST THROW MYSELF AT YOU IMMEDIATELY!!!")

3. I'm going bald? Really?

::checks mirror suspiciously::

It doesn't look to me like I'm going bald . . .