You Were a Little Girl in the '70s If . . .

from althaea

(Wow, I'm extremely impressed with this one! I think of myself as far more a child of the '80s really, since I can barely remember only two or three things from the '70s, but whoever wrote this seems to know more about me than I'd ever have dreamed any random stranger possibly could.)

1. ...you wore that rainbow shirt that was half-sleeves, and the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest, and down the other. Nope, I have no idea what you're talking about.

2. ...you made baby chocolate cakes in your Easy Bake Oven. You washed them down with snow cones from your Snoopy Snow Cone Machine. Nah, my little brother was the one with the Easy Bake Oven, and I did want a Snoopy Snow Cone Machine but I never actually got one.

3. ...you had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked. After training with these tools you became an expert at the game "Operation". I did have the Fisher Price Doctor's Kit but the stethoscope in it didn't actually work. And I played Operation at all my friends' houses but I didn't have it at my own house.

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My New Favorite Spam Headline

Subject: Re: I'll love you more if you stop going bald...

Er, um.

1. Why on earth whould I want to be loved by a spammer? (Scary thought: Spammers must have actual love lives with somebody or other. Do they admit what their careers are? On the first date? "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a spammer." "Um, I won't be coming back for a second date with you." "Too bad, I shall flood your mailbox and answering machine with ten million messages begging you for a second date every single day for the next 99 years! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!")

2. What kind of crazy definition of "love" is this if it's so dependent on my hairline? ("Hi, I'm madly in love with the fact that your hairline's so, like, not receding!" "Gosh, um, thanks . . . ? Your hairline is quite, um, non-receding too. OH WOW I JUST REALIZED HOW IRRESISTIBLE A NON-RECEDING HAIRLINE IS! HOW SEXY! I MUST THROW MYSELF AT YOU IMMEDIATELY!!!")

3. I'm going bald? Really?

::checks mirror suspiciously::

It doesn't look to me like I'm going bald . . .

Books

Just for the record, these are the best books ever written, definitely.

In case you care, or anything.

And while you're there, make jurhael happy by voting in some important books of your own.

Now I'm going to go to sleep on time for a change. Good night, all of you.