I Am Not Always Feeling Emotions

[queerbychoice]

Usually when I see Mikie online, we start the conversation by asking each other how we are. Usually Mikie answers this by saying that ey is either especially upset or especially happy (upset is more common). Usually I answer it by saying that I am "okay," although on rare occasions there is something I'm especially upset or happy about too, in which case I will say so. But more often I'm just "okay." Later in the conversation, every hour or so, Mikie will usually ask again how I am, but usually my emotions do not change on an hourly basis and so I am still the same way I was earlier. Since just repeating "okay" endlessly makes me feel boring, I usually answer by simply specifying what I am doing, because I figure that this conveys more information than simply "okay," and I figure that my "okayness" can simply be inferred from the fact that I am engaged in an activity which would not tend to make me feel particularly ecstatic nor particularly awful. However, Mikie always feels that I am evading the question and asks me again frustratedly, "Yes, but what are you feeling?"

chisparoja1: how are you?
QBC 101: i am reading an argument between two of my lj friends. it is being conducted civilly.
chisparoja1: yes but how are you? how do you feel?
QBC 101: i am okay. i am feeling simply interested in what i am reading. it confuses me when you expect me to always be feeling some more specific emotion at every single moment. the percentage of my life that i spend feeling specific emotions that can be put into words in a way other than by describing what i'm doing is rather small.
chisparoja1: :/
QBC 101: do you not have a "default, not really feeling anything in particular right now" emotional state???
chisparoja1: nope
QBC 101: i can't imagine this.
chisparoja1: i don't understand how you can not feel anything.
QBC 101: i don't understand how you can *always* feel something!
chisparoja1: :p

So! I am now investigating this further. Please satisfy my curiosity.

[Poll #234856]

Comments

[astererebos.livejournal.com]

just a friendly addendum :)

you probably first have to fix your indexicals: what is an "emotion?" why are they emotions? does my consciousness have to tend to those emotions as i'm feeling them or is cognizance of them trivial?

just being a pest :D

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know, but I couldn't figure out good clear definitions. So I just quoted the conversation that inspired the poll and hoped that this would clarify a little.

[sammka.livejournal.com]

I'd say that there are plenty of times when I simply don't attend to my emotional state. I mean, if I'm reading something, I'm paying attention to what I'm reading, and possibly what I think and feel about what I'm reading, not my overall angst levels.

If I'm forced to stop thinking about something else, and think about emotions, I can usually come up with something, though lots of them are pretty neutral ones like "complacent" or "pleasingly thoughtful". There are also lots of times when I'm aware that I'm having some sort of emotion, but it's subtle enough that I couldn't easily label it or even say whether it's pleasant or unpleasant, since it's so small and quiet.

[boyfunk.livejournal.com]

your q is too vague. usually i feel as though i am experiencing a number of emotions at once. often times one specific emotion predominates, though.

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is not a very precise question, but it's hard to formulate a question about emotions that is really precise.

[spreadsothin.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm aspiring to be a professional actor.
I do believe everyone is feeling and striving towards something at every point.
I think the question lies in their awareness of such.

[exterra.livejournal.com]

I'm somewhere between the middle 2 options.

[piman.livejournal.com]

I have a default state somewhere between "bored" and "frustrated". I also have trouble answering "how are you?" for that reason, because it's almost always the same answer.

[theoriste.livejournal.com]

Unless something irritating or interesting is going on in my life somewhere, most of the time I don't have some kind of background emotion. Then again, I'm a technical type, and I prefer to be background-emotion free. It allows me to turn into a computer on occasion.

[donutgirl.livejournal.com]

The vast majority of the time, I'm either "fine" or "okay". Sometimes, if even those feel like overly strong emotions, I might settle for "awake" or "blah".

[theobscure.livejournal.com]

Hm. Hard to answer this. Honestly, for me, it really depends on how heavily medicated I am. There's a kind of numb feeling that one gets even when one should feel something, but even that, I think, is sort of significant as its own feeling in the kind of emptiness it brings with it. Otherwise, my default state of being is "tired" (I know, that's not really an emotion), but I'm usually conscious of feeling some emotion in addition to that. At least, I think so. I've never thought about it, but now any testing I will try to do won't count, because I'll be concentrating too hard…

[transliberation.livejournal.com]

I generally don't tend to my emotions very often, but I admire people who are very in tune with how they are feeling at every moment. Sometimes I even have to infer from my actions how I feel, which is not the best thing at all.

[jkatj.livejournal.com]

Most of the time when asked, I'll say, "Fine" or "Okay." But that's just because explaining is too much work. Very few people need to know what I'm really feeling, they're just asking to be polite.

However, often with people who sincerely care about how I'm feeling, I still brush off the question. How many conversations do we need to have about my frustration with being in chronic pain?

[ex-gruff649.livejournal.com]

Just surfing...but i voted 3. Find it hard to believe anyone who can pinpoint an emotion at any time. I also think the urgent and artificial nature of modern life has meant people are growing more dislocated and unable to interpret their feelings to the point that many emotions have been replaced with a confused fear.

[suchgreatheight.livejournal.com]

I added you after finding you in the community thesexualsocial, which, in case you hadn't noticed, is subtitled "intellectual discussion of sexuality as a construction," and contains a distinctly queer by choice quote from Kate Millett posted halfway down the page. I hope you're aware that the phrase "as a construction" suggests that the community supports the idea of being able to choose it - the academic terms usually used are "essentialists" for people who believe in "born that way/unchangeable" sexuality and "constructionists" for people who believe in changeable sexuality.

Anyway, you're the first person ever to request to be removed from this journal, but okay, whatever. I removed you

I believe the construction of sexuality is just one point of discussion in the community thesexualsocial. it's place where we can argue and agree and find new opinions. so please do post your opinion or reasonings on there. I would love to see other's opinions.
as for a quote halfway down the page...I see nothing of the sort.

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

I was referring to the quote here: http://www.livejournal.com/community/thesexualsocial/12506.html

[freedomreigns.livejournal.com]

I feel that more often than not, people in general tend to believe that unless you're feeling overly joyous, angry, upset, or what have you, you're not feeling anything. I believe that contentment is an often overlooked emotion.

[mainfisch.livejournal.com]

Kind of it seems that you and Mikie kind of
"inverted" a "typical" "problematic" talk between
women and men:

W: What are you thinking, honey?
M: Nothing.
W: But that's impossible!
M: Why can't I just sit around without thinking anything!

Erm. Regarding the poll, my answer was "yes,
I think so", but I should explain that there
are a lot of background feelings and emotions
of which I think that I don't want to mention
them in particular - it's kind of continuous
background noise.

And then I learned in my English lessons, that
"how are you" is a question that demands the
same question in reply, and no one will ever
consider to answer to this, except the answer
is something like "FINE!!!" and a MASSIVE
ATOMIC HANDSHAKE, and a grin that is so bright
that it darkens the sun. ;-)

The German equivalent to this seems to work
in the same way, you never consider to be
either verbose or "negative" if someone is
asking "Wie geht's?"

[frankepi.livejournal.com]

i think i'm usually feeling a combination of specific emotions. mikie's question can't always be answered in any meaningful way. it can be exhausting, i think, to dissect one's emotional state over and over again.

anyway, i think that yes: i'm always feeling a specific emotion, but the feelings are a lot MORE specific than the words and so "okay" just has to do sometimes.

[obsessionsketch.livejournal.com]

i believe i do always feel a certain way, an emotion or a combination of such, but I do not always want to express that state in words to anyone or someone in particular. and sometimes isimply dont want to spend the energy putting that state into words.


but i think it is possible to not feel any way in particular, and simply okay.


M.

[effexorrx.livejournal.com]

Well, greetings! I've noticed that you've "friended" me, and I've checked out your links (all of them --- very interesting). I'm curious as to why you've added me (this isn't a quiz, by the by; no "right" or "wrong" answers. For example, "You, Kristen, don't mention grilled cheese sandwiches in your list, and I wish to sway your interests in that direction" would not be a "wrong" answer, if you know what I mean --- although I would cock my head to the left and raise and eyebrow to that one, of course ;) ).

Best wishes, and looking forward to hearing from you.

Re:

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

I saw you in thesexualsocial and saw your interest in Foucault and decided to read a bit, and then decided to continue reading you a bit more in the future. I'm not sure how long it will last (I'm often fickle in my LJ friendings), but at the moment, you just seem like someone I wouldn't mind reading more from.

Re:

[effexorrx.livejournal.com]

It's up to you --- I don't aim to impress, but rather write what's on my mind at any particular moment. My interest in Foucault, by the by, coincides with my dissertation, which involves a great deal of queer theory (an area of "expertise" --- although I regard the entire notion of "expertise" as fatally flawed, hence the scare quotes).

People do come and go from my list quite often --- they'll either become offended by my blatancy, put-off by my internal-made-external ramblings, or just shocked and chagrined (in a Johnny Cochran kind of way, most likely: the glove doesn't fit). It appears that the voyeristic/exhibitionistic aspects of a "Live" journal don't quite resonate with them, and as a result they don't come away with what they expected. Shattered expectations, though, are my real "expertise."

I'm in a lull right now in terms of journal entries, but I do wish you well.