But I'm NOT a Televiewer

[queerbychoice]

Dear Televiewer,

You have been selected to participate in a survey whose findings will directly influence what you see on television in the future. . . . You have been selected to help represent the television viewing preferences of the entire country. . . . You do something almost everyone does at one time or another - watch TV.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I'm almost tempted to actually show up to the mass surveying event they sent me tickets to, just to explain to them that the only thing that might get me to turn on my television once or twice within the next five years would be if they put on a program all about the importance of encouraging everybody to convert to queerness. But it seems that they intend to make the people who show up to the event actually watch television while there, so, really, no thanks. Perhaps I should just send them a written reply: "Your letter seems to have been delivered to the wrong address. I am not a televiewer. (Since when has that even been a word, anyway? It sounds like some sort of mechanical screen-projection device.) My television barely gets four channels, and all four of them are staticky, and I haven't turned it on even once since last spring, unless you count the two seconds to check whether I'd plugged it in right. And as for 'representing the television viewing preferences of the entire country,' well, it's hard to imagine how anyone could be any less representative."

Unrelatedly, today's Ted Rall cartoon makes its point unusually well.

Comments

[killerlidya.livejournal.com]

vegan girls are hot :)

[rhekarid.livejournal.com]

But you could have used the influence to mess with TV! Like replacing shows with 15-minute shots of a jar of mayonnaise just sitting there.

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

If I actually believed I could really do anything like that, I probably would attend.

[unitarymatrix.livejournal.com]

But then, you might also have a chance to make a real difference in what they put on TV.

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

If I somehow miraculously did, I'd just die of a heart attack from the shock of somehow not having been outvoted ten billion to one.

[princesswitch.livejournal.com]

Hilarious! Talk about misaimed marketing! But there's a silver lining--this means you live in a demographically desirable neighborhood. :-)

I also saw your profile just now. I love the idea of "disinterests."

Heh.

[belledame222.livejournal.com]

Once, in one of my earlier TV-free stages (I've been on-again-off-again since, currently off), I got a phone call from a telemarketer who wanted to know if I was available for a quick survey.

I was lonely and bored, so I said "okay."

Long droning spiel rattled off, at the end of which, "And which programs are you most likely to watch:..."

I said, "Oh, I don't have a television."

The bland marketing drone veneer cracked; voice rising an octave:

"You *don't have* a TELEVISION?!"

Clearly that was the end of the survey. But the way she got off the phone was funny, I remember; it was like I'd announced I couldn't take her survey on cereals, because I didn't actually eat due to a tragic and disgustingly detailed illness...